He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
