The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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