I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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