Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
