xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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