I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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