is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
