she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
