I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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