I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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