you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
