A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
