All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If that was your dad, he is hot
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
