did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
