I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
