the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
