Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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