i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
