Sponge bath it is.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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