its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
