Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize