I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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