when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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