Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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