How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize