i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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