my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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