We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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