Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
