Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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