sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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