She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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