I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
