dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
