I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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