I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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