I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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