Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
