Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
