shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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