There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
