How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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