dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
