i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
