....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
