Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize