I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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