He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
