He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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