You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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