Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize