Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%

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(205): View more from Alabama

Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer

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(302): View more from Delaware

My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.

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(850): View more from Florida

If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"

(864): View more from South Carolina

Olive Garden will never be the same.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.

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(734): View more from Michigan

There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I've peed outside too many times in just this past week

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(716): View more from New York

In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??

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