The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
