you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
