took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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