Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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