I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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