I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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