very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
