I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
