Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
