She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
