please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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