Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
