So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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