bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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