Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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