Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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