fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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