I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
