capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
