So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
