I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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