Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
