I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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