i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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