How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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