areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
