My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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