when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
